I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
