ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
