Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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