I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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