I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
