You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
