Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
