Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
