guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
