i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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