K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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