her vagine was all disorganized.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
