We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
