4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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