Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
