I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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