I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
