We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
