I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
