We're facebook friends in real life
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
