U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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