My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
