I smell stomach acid.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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