Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
