Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
