I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
