Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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