so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
