What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
