my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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