Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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