new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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