I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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