You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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