I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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