the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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