There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You ruined the universe
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
