i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
