I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
