her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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