i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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