when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
