best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
