Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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