i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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