i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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