does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
