somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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