nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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