i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
FUCK WHALES
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
