Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
