why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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