Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
