She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
