Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
