I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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