So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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