i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
