Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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