a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
