Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
