I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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