our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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