At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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