Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
